I had an interesting experience the other day at work. I am known for being a relatively healthy eater and was sitting with a few other co-workers eating lunch. One of the guys from another team came over and sat down for a few minutes.
Now for the record- we all rib each other all the time. But somehow the subject turned to me and he said (rather disdainfully I might add), "you don't drink, do drugs, smoke, or do any tobacco products at all do you?"
I told him "Nope."
It was an odd situation. I had to reflect a little. Am I a goody two shoes now because I eat healthy and don't drink, smoke, or do drugs?? I just told him "I USED to be the life of the party" and left it at that. Thinking back, I shouldn't have even qualified my intial response. No, I don't drink and I don't feel like I am missing out on life because of that. In fact, all those times I used to drink and get drunk- those are now spent doing things that I actually REMEMBER!!!!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Life is moving forward. I continue to move along with it in a nice sober state.
Alcoholism is no longer the primary concern in my life as I try to wrap my brain around what is going on in …well… my brain.
When I first got home from Afghanistan I already knew that I was having some issues. I had been having nightmares for almost a year now. The anxiety kicked in around January. I have suffered from depression before- but this is much different than the overwhelming sadness I have felt in the past. Now I just feel a sense of darkness.
The first psychiatrist I visited 3 weeks after I got back to the states prescribed Ambien to sleep, Klonipin for anxiety, and Prazosin for nightmares. I had a pretty good idea that Ambien and Klonipin together was not a great idea so I don’t take much ambient.
I spoke to another psychiatrist on Friday who agreed and moved me to an anti-depressant, kept me on Klonipin with the hopes that the anti-depressant would decrease my anxiety so I could quit that.
I am not a big fan of being on klonipin. I don’t take it unless I am extremely anxious because it reminds me too much of drinking.
I have another appointment for a PTSD evaluation on Monday. I don’t even care at this point to put a name on what is going on with me. I just want to feel normal.