I bare burdens silently for the most part. I guess that makes me a less than stellar blogger. Right now I am facing the reality that I will most likely be somewhere in the Middle East as a reservist by the end of summer. I just figure that I can either choose to be miserable about that every single day or I can take it for what it is and keep moving forward.
Martin Luther King Jr said, “ If you can't fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but by all means- keep moving forward.” Words to live by. Alcohol was the one thing that held me back. It kept me from remembering things that I did or places that I went. It kept me from learning all there was to learn.
My husband adores me, but somehow, in all that adoration everything that happens to me is really something that happens to HIM. This is infuriating. It is my fault probably. I mean- not really- but I get it why he is like this. My surgery somehow became about him and how difficult it was for him. Same thing with my looming deployment. He is taking it very personally that I am leaving (even though he was the one who encouraged me to join in the first place!)
My writing here is always rambling and disjointed. I suck at writing/talking about myself. I can’t tell you how many times I have written something and deleted it because I didn’t want to sound like a crybaby or I was embarrassed at appearing like a weak person.
this was immensely helpful to me this morning. i have a husband who has similar traits and is similarly infuriating. just now i was bemoaning the fact that i always have to fix it for everyone else and 'why can't someone fix it for me sometimes?'
ReplyDeleteI know you don't do the whole AA thing, but I know this feeling. Alanon was specifically created to help people who have these feelings and reactions.
ReplyDeleteThey're both really awesome programs, but I understand some people can be happy and content in their relationships and life without them. :)
Hope it gets better for ya!
You do not...suck at writing. I repeat: You do not...such at writing. Now tell yourself.
ReplyDeleteI have to Agee with Dawn, You do not suck at writing, you have you're own unique style and it is part of who you are, And others admire this in you or they would not be your followers.
ReplyDeleteI'm sadddened by your problems with your hubby, However as you yourself posted It is Partially your fault, 1) BOUNDARIES, 2) His stuff NOT YOURS, Refuse to take on someone elses stuff, I'm sure like the rest of us you have enough of your own without adding someone elses.
As for being deployed," GOD BLESS YOU, and KEEP YOU SAFE" and Thank You
PLEASE visit me at> www.real12steprecovery.com
Thanks again for all of the kind words and advice. You all make it a little easier to go through all of this. Thanks so much for being here.
ReplyDelete