I was having a hypothetical conversation with myself today. I was wondering what it be like if I started to drink again and was actually able to monitor my drinking. What would it look like to be in control? Would I just have ONE drink at dinner one time per week. Or maybe I would get a beer at a friends house and take a sip and leave the rest. Is that what a non-alcoholic does? THEN- it occurred to me- non-alcoholics DON'T even think about that stuff. They don't require limits to their drinking. Setting boundaries is an alcoholic way of thinking. It is our attempt to tell ourselves our drinking isn't out of control.
Ultimately- I will always be an alcoholic.
For me, controlled drinking would make a good horror film title.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that the fact that we even have to think about control is a bad sign. Social drinkers seem to be this naturally - they don't make a big effort and fret over it. I don't think it is possible for an alcohol abuser to learn controlled drinking, and I also don't see the point of it. It would be sort of like going from hitting your head with a hammer a lot to just hitting your head with a hammer a little.
ReplyDeleteI was hoping you'd say that. When I begin thinking that way it's time for me to head out to a meeting, to be reminded of who I am. I personally see it as my disease talking to me, whispering things in my mind to shake me from my path of true sobriety.
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