Sunday, April 29, 2012

Cautious Optimism

I am cautiously optimistic that I will be leaving Afghanistan in the next 36-60-ish hours! I won't know my flight schedule until sometime tomorrow but I hope that it is good news. I haven't had to work for the last 3 days and I have been doing a lot of sleeping!
I strained a muscle in my neck the other day and the Dr gave me a muscle relaxer to take before I go to sleep. Having gone over a year without any kind of prescription medication has made me a light weight. I was so out of it when I took one pill. It made me feel stupid the entire next day. I related to a couple of friends that I couldn't understand what was ever appealing about feeling this dopey! I used to drink to put myself in THAT state? I was flabbergasted when I thought of it from that viewpoint.
Two years ago I struggled to stop feeling like THAT on a daily basis. Two years ago I would get to that state and sleep..and wake up and do it all again. Ridiculous. I see that now.
I know that going home will not be without it's obstacles. However, I am much more equipped to deal with those challenges. I know it will be trying emotionally after gaining so much knowledge about how fucked up the situation is over here... but I was reminded yesterday that slowing myself down mentally is not the answer.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

3 days to go!!!

My time in Afghanistan is finally coming to an end! Sometimes it feels like I have been here forever and other times I can't believe a year has gone by. If all goes according to plan I should be sleeping in my bed by May 8th!!! I can't wait!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Getting Closer

I think about leaving here as often as men think about sex...about every 30 seconds!!! 16 days to go. My anxiety is in full swing right now. I have found myself becoming obsessed with my reactions to events when I am stressed. I just rethink the whole scenario over and over again my head until it makes me kinda crazy. That combined with insomnia and this anxiety I have been having lately is pretty overwhelming.
On the bright side though- I have been working out regularly. I have a gym partner now and even though neither one of us usually want to go- we peer pressure each other into going. No small feat considering we are working 13+ hours 7 days a week. I am also happy that I am leaving soon.
There have been a few stressful moments when it comes to my current living conditions with a roommate who turned out to be a pretty big asshole. I will be happy when I get back to my own home, my own bed.
One thing that makes me happy- I do not ever think about alcohol as a coping mechanism. It's simply no longer an option. We have non-alcoholic beer over here- but even that makes me just feel like I am cheating. My feelings on that issue may evolve- I'm not sure.
I am also looking forward to be able to blog more frequently when I get home.