Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy Sober New Year

This New Years I am hanging out with the kids with a bottle of sparkling apple cider chilling in the fridge watching Dick Clark's New Years Rocking Eve. (They are still young enough for me to force them to watch what I want on 
I hope you are all having a wonderful New Year however you celebrate (my husband is celebrating by sleeping right now). 
Tonight, instead of going out we all went to a movie and then ordered some pizza. 
This blog has been such a huge help for me in the last 6 months. I almost don't know what to write about anymore. I hope this year I can find some inspiration to keep coming back. Even when I don't write I am reading my favorites just to keep up. 
Have a great night...and please know that I am extremely grateful for all the encouragement and support from all of you! 

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Time to Relax

My kids AND husband opted to stay up until midnight so they could open their presents. That definitely takes the pressure off having to get up early. I have spent the last two days cooking. It was my first attempt at making a prime rib and it turned out pretty darn good if I do say so myself. My favorite dish of the day was key lime pie from scratch. It was a labor of newfound love because zesting and squeezing a billion tiny key limes really is a pain in the ass! It was well worth it though. I have been craving it for a long time. 
Now I am sitting with my feet up hoping that the back pain from hunching over wrapping presents and cooking for two days will go away. 
This was my first sober Christmas in a long time. It was a nice change. I think I'll keep it up! 
Merry Christmas Everyone!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Ready For Christmas...almost

Tree is up, presents have been purchased but still need to be wrapped, dinner menu is set and groceries are in the fridge. I will start cooking pies tomorrow and do some other prep work. I have been spending a lot of time relaxing, napping and just enjoying hanging out with my family.
When I was at the grocery store today I bought a bottle of apple cider for New Years. My first sober New Years in God only knows how long. It felt pretty good. Life is good. Hope you all are doing well!
Almost forgot!!! SIX MONTHS (and two days) SOBER!!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Doing Better

Just wanted to let everyone know I am feeling better and am in much better spirits and still sober. I am looking forward to Christmas. All of my holiday shopping is done and I am enjoying some VERY LAZY days at home.

Sunday, December 12, 2010


I have been in a dark place lately. I have suffered from bouts of depression in the past but this is something different. I have been having morbid thoughts of death and injury of my family. I am not sure if this is a product of me spending so much time without them lately and feeling that I am missing them. My mind is f*in with me! I have decided to start taking anti-depressants again. I would really like my Christmas with my family to not revolve around my mental health.
It occurred to me that I might have felt this way before but just drank the feelings away…drowning out my dreams in drunken sleep. Now it seems ridiculous that I would drink.. it’s just going to cause me a headache, and in the end everything is still going to be right where I left it.
It seems weird that it is Christmas time- I should be happy and cheerful. Hopefully those feelings will hit me soon. 

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Good Weekend

This was a really good weekend for my family. My daughter ran in an out of state cross country meet and shaved a minute of her time from last year. My son competed in his first swim meet and won one of his races! My husband earned his purple belt in jiu jitsu and I earned a promotion in the reserves. (only hiccup this weekend was I lost my ID- have to get that replaced tomorrow if I can!)
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I am a reservist and am facing a potential deployment to the Middle East. I have known this was going to come but now that I have been promoted the odds are even greater.  I have also been looking for a job closer to home. I really like my current job but being so far away is really weighing on my mental health. I feel like I don’t have much of a life anymore with working, working some more and then working out. It is effective to keep time passing quickly but I can see the potential for extreme stress pretty soon.
I am worried about the effects a potential deployment could have on my sobriety and mental well being. Just going in for one weekend a month I hear a fill of drinking stories. When my husband was overseas he told me how easily accessible alcohol was. I am strong in my sobriety now. I have a lot of confidence in myself. But of course with change comes challenges. 2011 promises to be a year of great change for me. Most importantly I am looking forward to spending my first year (since God only know when) sober. 

Thursday, December 2, 2010


Sometimes, lately, I forget that I am an alcoholic. I don't think about drinking every single moment of every day anymore and so sometimes when someone talks about going out and throwing a few drinks it doesn't sound like some poisonous evil thing to me. 
Funny how 164 days can make for such a drastic change in perspective. 
For me, this change in thought shines a better life on why some people might relapse. It gets easier to forget you ever had a problem to begin with, especially when all those lingering effects of alcohol abuse have faded. 
It's moments like these that probably make it important to have someone to "report" to, someone who has higher expectations of you than you do of yourself. For me this person is my husband- and all of you who read this and provide comments.