Thursday, March 10, 2011

I really suck at....

I am a sucky step-mom. I admit it. I love my husband dearly but his two boys (ages 15 and 16) have got to be some of the most poorly behaved children EVER! Now- let me put that in perspective for you. I was a special education teacher for 8 years. For 3 of those years I taught children with autism who had extreme behavior challenges- and I was great at it. I have a ton of patience!
Let me also make a disclaimer- I am really, really, really good at hiding what is going on in my head when it comes to them. At this point I am sucky only in thought. I go out of my way to do things for them, I treat them with a tremendous amount of respect, and never EVER mistreat them.
How do I get over this? Is it possible to change the way you actually feel about someone? I spend a lot of time trying to rationalize their behavior based on the way they were raised and the circumstances they have dealt with in their life- but ultimately I have been unable to change how I feel.
Why is this coming up now? My oldest step-son is in trouble. Big trouble. I am trying hard to be supportive of my husband as I can see he is under a tremendous amount of emotional distress. I'm trying. 
Sigh… Thank God I’m sober. 


  1. I don't have any kids, or step kids, but it sounds like your trying your best to be supportive. I have heard people talk about step situations and it seems like if you say to much you stink and if you don't say anything you stink!! I think you being sober & supportive of your husband is the best you can do. You can vent to all of us on the internet, we're here for you!!

  2. Hi there, are we perhaps being a little overly critical of self. Are you perhaps in the mindset of " I know all this stuff about dealing with behavioral challenged children, I'm great at it , I'm a professional, I should be able to handle my own and make a difference"
    Are we possibly forgetting that professionals never deal with family, because A) we're to close to get proper perspective, B) they do not view us as the professional but the person.
    I can truly relate, For I am a step father of a 14 year old girl.A lovely girl who I have come to love over the past 5 years, however she can be the most superficial, shallow, spoiled little diva. However I have learned that most of her upbringing and behaviors were developed long ago, and not that I cannot influence and help her see other ways . I have learned much to my Frustration that it takes time and patience, and that mostly Lectures and/or mre going on and on doesn't work well (after all who really listens to lectures) I just try to expound on my beliefs when opportunities present them selves, and to let her know that she can question me on these topics. More importantly That children and people as a whole learn more from seeing my actions rather than just words. Also I come to accept and love my step daughter for who she is rather than who I would like her to be. Acceptance being the key to my serenity. I pray you continue to allow your God to Love, Guide and Protect you always.
    Please visit me at
    And congratulations on your almost 9 months

  3. I've just been reading your blog and it's great! I have been where you are at...with the stepson thing. I love my two stepsons today, but when the youngest one came to live with us back when I had only been in recovery for a short time (maybe two years?) I couldn't hide how sucky I was at being a stepmom. Here's what I suggest - congratulate yourself for acknowledging you are struggling with it and for wanting to make things better. That's the first step - to everything. Then, just try to be kind to yourself, and be kind to the boys every day. Blending a family a big challenge even for superwomen, it sounds like you have had some health issues, don't be so hard on yourself? And congratulations on nearly nine monthts. You rock. It'll work out. It did for me...