Friday, November 19, 2010

Alcoholic Thinking

I was talking to my husband the other day and he said his definition of having control is being able to walk away from anything. But according to his definition it’s ok to go back to whatever you were doing as long as you maintain that control. (for the record he was not suggesting that I drink again).
So I started thinking what it would be like to drink. Then I realized I don’t have any gauge as to what it means to NOT be an alcoholic. I have no idea how non-alcoholics feel when they drink. I don’t know their thought process for when it is time to stop, or why they don’t have the desire to drink more and more. I think it is safe for me to say that this is a pretty good reason that I shouldn’t ever drink again.
I can’t even imagine how their brains work. The only thing I know is how my brain works.  My brain tells me that you drink until there is nothing else to drink or until you pass out (I used to call it falling asleep!). My brain also tells me that it’s ok to drink ALL the time. This is why I can’t take another drink. I don’t have any clue what it feels like to NOT be an alcoholic. 


  1. I never saw any attraction in controlled drinking – there just didn't seem to be any point to it. For a long time I would tell people that I wanted to control my drinking, but what I meant was that I wanted to get drunk without the consequences.

  2. I love that you shared about that thought. Because we are alcoholic, we can't imagine what it's like to stop after one and feel okay with it. To not have that urge to get plastered and solve our problems the next day only to get plastered the next day and put them off until the next day. I have to remember that "tomorrow never comes". I drank to avoid things and to numb life and to be a person I always want to be but was never meant to be. For me, this was the crazy shit that happened in my head that I needed to share in meetings so that I didn't feel so crazy anymore. When other people started sharing that they had the same insane thoughts, I realized that I was neither alone nor unique. Having those people to share with and set me back down on the ground has been a miracle in my life; the biggest of which has kept me sober as long as it has.