Sunday, May 13, 2012

Adjusting To "Normal"

I have been on the go pretty much the whole time I have been home. Like other people I have spoken to about coming home- the only things I noticed right away at my house were the things that were dirty or broken. The dogs were a mess, the couch was dirty, the house smelled like....well "dog". Very overwhelming. I have appointments and/or estimates scheduled for things that need to be fixed everyday next week.
I am happy to be home though. I am experiencing some adjustment issues and was only released from service "AMA" (Against Medical Advice). After a year of being in Afghanistan all I really wanted to do was just come home and lay in my bed. I am seeking advice and help for my adjustment issues.
I spoke to another service member who got home a few months ago who is experiencing issues similar to mine. She said drinking helps her numb her feelings. sigh. I told her that I quit drinking, I alluded to it being a problem for me but didn't go into detail.
What I am learning- there are a lot of females who are returning, just like me, who have the same emotional issues that I have. And just like me- we feel ridiculous that we are having these issues when there are so many who experience so much more.
I feel like I should be able to talk myself out of this anxiety that I am feeling. Like somehow I should be able to snap out of it and just relax and be "normal".
Through all of this the thought of drinking crossed my mind once. I didn't have a plan to drink- just thought about having a beer with one of the foods I liked. It was a fleeting thought and immediately brought forth feelings of shame and embarrassment. Not only would I have let myself down, I would have not succeeded in doing what I said I was going to do- and that is to stop drinking.

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