I have been staying very busy since I have been home. I had plenty of time in Afghanistan to decide what home improvement projects needed to be done and have been going 100 MPH ever since.
When I was doing my out processing to go back into civilian life I told the care providers about the mental health issues I have been having. My appointment with a government “issued” psychiatrist was last week and she promptly prescribed Ambien (to sleep) , Klonipin (for anxiety), and another medication that is supposed to help with nightmares. I am to take all the medications on an “as needed” basis. I have also have refills.
I am unwilling to discuss my recovery with military medical providers. I came home with my bag of medicine and have really been struggling with the fact that I have them at all. In self reflection, and also as a recovering alcoholic I realize I have an addictive personality. I go overboard on most things – good or bad. While this is great sometimes I realize the potential risk of having access to this medicine. I don’t know where to go from here.
I think I need to find a personal (non-military) physician to discuss my entire medical history. I also think I need to find a group to help transition through this time. The psychiatrist suggested I have some type of anxiety disorder, another medical provider suggested the early stages of PTSD. Honestly- I don’t care what anyone calls it. I want my mental health to be back where it was before I left.
I also don’t want to be dependent on pills to adjust to life back in the states. I have used Ambien once and Klonipin twice but constantly remind myself that I am unable to drink responsibly so I need to monitor my usage of medications to prevent from sinking into another hole.