Being a sober role model

I feel removed from alcoholism right now. Usually I feel that little tugging that reminds me that I have to be diligent against drinking.  I am not delusional into thinking that I am no longer an alcoholic, I know that I will always be. But right now it just feels different.

My life has improved significantly since I quit drinking. Now I cannot imagine why I spent so much time drinking myself to sleep. I am enjoying a remarkable relationship with my kids. I know that if I was in my previous routine I would not be spending as much quality time with them.

We are all healing emotionally from being apart the past year.  They went through some difficulties while I was gone and it is wonderful to see them gain self confidence and to see them show their wonderful personalities. I feel like I really am a good role model for them now. I had a conversation with my daughter (who will be off to college next year) and we started talking about drinking and how being drunk in college can increase her chances of being sexually assaulted. I was able, for the first time in my life, to say, “well, you see me that me and your step-father don’t drink, and we have a great time.” She said “yeah, I know!”  It transformed my feelings of being an alcoholic to a sober role model. Amazing.

Focused

Life has taken an interesting twist lately. I have kicked into super mom mode and any of my own personal issues have taken a backseat to the needs of my children. I have them both back with me. Originally my daughter was going to be spending her final year of high school with her father where she has attended the last three years. She spent the summer with me and went back to a less than emotionally supportive situation. After 9 days in the house she called me and I got her on the first plane back to me.
My week since then has been focused on trying to get her into an emotionally stable place. She is resilient and is adapting well. I am glad to have her back with me. I don't think I would be in this place if I hadn't stopped drinking because I don't think I would be so successfully focusing on helping her get better.
While my drinking wasn't a part of the decision to let them for live with their father and step-mother it didn't help me with my parenting. I am glad to have my babies back.

Old Friends

I had lunch with an old friend today. Someone I hadn't seen in about 12 years. When we met I think I was probably drinking every time I saw him. Lunch today was different- I ordered lemonade. It seems small but it is moments like this that let me know I am not worried about perception anymore. I don't care if my old friends know I don't drink anymore. My thinking that I had to be drinking to be "fun" were ridiculous. It does seem silly when I think about it. Why would I spend so much time worried about how other people felt about me being sober? I did though and for a lot of years it was one of my great excuses to keep drinking.