Thursday, December 2, 2010


Sometimes, lately, I forget that I am an alcoholic. I don't think about drinking every single moment of every day anymore and so sometimes when someone talks about going out and throwing a few drinks it doesn't sound like some poisonous evil thing to me. 
Funny how 164 days can make for such a drastic change in perspective. 
For me, this change in thought shines a better life on why some people might relapse. It gets easier to forget you ever had a problem to begin with, especially when all those lingering effects of alcohol abuse have faded. 
It's moments like these that probably make it important to have someone to "report" to, someone who has higher expectations of you than you do of yourself. For me this person is my husband- and all of you who read this and provide comments. 


  1. I have a friend who had just over 5 years that recently relapsed. It only makes the phrase, "The farther away you are from your last drink, the closer you are to a drink."

    For a long time I couldn't see how that statement could be true or make any sense, but these days I do. Like you said, it's easy to forget. I know that I have a built in forgetter. I forget the worst things and I remember the good times. I forget how awful I felt in the morning, I forget how I felt when I woke up next to someone I didn't know, and I forget how much I hurt myself and all of the people I love.

    Which all reminds me, I need to be diligent each and every day and do something different for my recovery. I need to report to the person I choose, my sponsor, and let her know what's up with me and tell on myself. The more frequent I'm able to be honest, the less amount of time I need to live with shame and guilt and fear.

    Congratulations on 164 days. Each day sober is a miracle and you are a miracle!

  2. Real alcoholics think about not drinking when they think about drinking. While we are not actively drinking, the thoughts about alcohol, or about not drinking alcohol are constant.

    For instance, how often do you think goldfish?

    You don't right? Because you aren't addicted to or obsessed with that. It doesn't even come to mind unless someone mentions it, then... it's basically gone again until someone mentions it again, or you hear of or see the word or see a picture of one and think, how could ANYONE be obsessed with that? It seems insane to believe that one who is addicted cannot seem to stop thinking about the subject of their addiction.

    A non alcoholic would dismiss the word alcohol or the thought of alcohol just as easily as someone who doesn't have goldfish can dismiss goldfish from their thinking.

    People who don't have goldfish or an obsession with goldfish do not think constantly of goldfish. Goldfish are readily and easily dismissed without thought or a conversation about it in our head. And trust me, goldfish the word and pictures of them are everywhere, especially when you can't get the thought out of your head.

    A non-alcoholic's mind works differently. They don't recognize or notice it even if it's right in front of them. Easily dismissed.

    It's only an alcoholic who needs to inventory their thoughts about alcohol consistently in order to dismiss the idea of disease. To a non-alcoholic that is nuts.

    So, if you are constantly thinking about drinking or not drinking... chances are...alcoholic. And bound to drink again or become very miserable not drinking (because I can't stop the thinking) without a spiritual solution.

    You might not be the alcoholic of my type who inventories whether alcohol is around, inventories even life without it consistently, who is constantly in thought about alcohol (drinking or not drinking) alcohol still constantly is a subject prevalent in my mind.

    Non-alcoholics minds don't do that.