Sunday, January 16, 2011

Working out

Tomorrow I start my exercise and eating plan. As long as I can remember I have had some issues with body dysmorphia. I weighed about 114 pounds when I was 18 and still longed to loose weight. I hated my body. My family on my dads side has a history of morbid obesity. My grandfather died at well over 500 pounds. I remember my mom telling me when I was eating chips that if I ate them all I would get fat. (I probably weighed 109 at the time at 5'6".) That attitude stuck with me for a long time. I am 50% Portuguese decent from my dad's side. To me that means I have a butt. Growing up I hated that about myself. I remember crying one day when my older sister told me I had a bubble butt. All through high- school I played basketball but really didn't have any athletic prowess. 
When I joined the Navy I gained 15 pounds in bootcamp. I was devastated. I tried to convince myself I looked better but when I looked in the mirror I saw someone much bigger than myself. To make a long story short..I have always struggled with my own perception of my body. 
When I first moved to this state I could actually afford to join a gym. I became a bonafide gym rat and started to love my body. It was the first time ever I lost weight the right way- by exercising and eating right. No starvation diets, no diet pills. I have managed to get into great shape a few times since then but was always derailed because of my drinking. 
209 days ago I was at my heaviest of all time- 168 pounds. I would say I don't know how I let myself get like that- but I do. I consumed so many calories in just alcohol. I could have totally gone without food and still packed on the pounds. I know from research that when you drink your body stops metabolizing everything else and just works on the alcohol. 
Well, as of right now, I am 13 pounds lighter. I have gotten down to as low as 150 but am holding steady at 155. While the number on the scale is not as much of an issue for me, I am ready to get myself back into shape. I want to be stronger than I ever have before. I want to look fitter and have abs. I know I am capable of that now. Before, alcohol always zapped my motivation or derailed my diet. 
My goal is to get down to 140 pounds. I have a 13 week plan that includes core strength, weights and triathlon cardio workouts with some mixed martial arts training thrown in by my husband on the weekends. I have been getting a lot of motivation from stories and tv shows about people who started way more out of shape than I am. If they have the willpower to do it I know I can. 

This will also help me gear up for an inevitable deployment to the middle east where I will have to endure rigorous training in pre-deployment workouts. 
Here's to not making any more excuses and just doing it!


  1. i'm also wanting to get fitter and healthier. its been 10 months for me now and the weight fell off at first but i fear it is creeping up with all the chocolate i've been guzzling. time for me to get the running shoes out!

  2. I have been quite a chocoholic myself. I was doing really well but after the holidays (not during..oddly enough) I have just been going kinda crazy with it! I feel so much better when I am healthy!

  3. It's so interesting to me that so many female alcoholics had body and eating issues. Since I stopped drinking, some of my prior issues have resurfaced, so I find myself having to deal with them as well. With four (almost five) months of sobriety, I also want to build my strength and should be much easier without the hangovers and alcohol calories!

    Good luck! and thanks for writing.

  4. The Act- I have always been strange about my weight- but the funny thing is- my concern over my weight was never enough to motivate me to stop drinking. That's how big of a pull it had on me. And I agree- it will be much easier without the hangovers and alcohol calories!

  5. My weight has been up and down in recovery. When I was younger I'd take high-calorie drinks because I was so weedy - I don't have that problem anymore. I'm finding that mindful eating has been a great help.

  6. Paul, I followed your eating mindfully. I found it very interesting. I tend to be a calorie counter. I am so anal that if you give me a number I will stick to it!