Sunday, January 16, 2011

Working out

Tomorrow I start my exercise and eating plan. As long as I can remember I have had some issues with body dysmorphia. I weighed about 114 pounds when I was 18 and still longed to loose weight. I hated my body. My family on my dads side has a history of morbid obesity. My grandfather died at well over 500 pounds. I remember my mom telling me when I was eating chips that if I ate them all I would get fat. (I probably weighed 109 at the time at 5'6".) That attitude stuck with me for a long time. I am 50% Portuguese decent from my dad's side. To me that means I have a butt. Growing up I hated that about myself. I remember crying one day when my older sister told me I had a bubble butt. All through high- school I played basketball but really didn't have any athletic prowess. 
When I joined the Navy I gained 15 pounds in bootcamp. I was devastated. I tried to convince myself I looked better but when I looked in the mirror I saw someone much bigger than myself. To make a long story short..I have always struggled with my own perception of my body. 
When I first moved to this state I could actually afford to join a gym. I became a bonafide gym rat and started to love my body. It was the first time ever I lost weight the right way- by exercising and eating right. No starvation diets, no diet pills. I have managed to get into great shape a few times since then but was always derailed because of my drinking. 
209 days ago I was at my heaviest of all time- 168 pounds. I would say I don't know how I let myself get like that- but I do. I consumed so many calories in just alcohol. I could have totally gone without food and still packed on the pounds. I know from research that when you drink your body stops metabolizing everything else and just works on the alcohol. 
Well, as of right now, I am 13 pounds lighter. I have gotten down to as low as 150 but am holding steady at 155. While the number on the scale is not as much of an issue for me, I am ready to get myself back into shape. I want to be stronger than I ever have before. I want to look fitter and have abs. I know I am capable of that now. Before, alcohol always zapped my motivation or derailed my diet. 
My goal is to get down to 140 pounds. I have a 13 week plan that includes core strength, weights and triathlon cardio workouts with some mixed martial arts training thrown in by my husband on the weekends. I have been getting a lot of motivation from stories and tv shows about people who started way more out of shape than I am. If they have the willpower to do it I know I can. 

This will also help me gear up for an inevitable deployment to the middle east where I will have to endure rigorous training in pre-deployment workouts. 
Here's to not making any more excuses and just doing it!

8 comments:

  1. i'm also wanting to get fitter and healthier. its been 10 months for me now and the weight fell off at first but i fear it is creeping up with all the chocolate i've been guzzling. time for me to get the running shoes out!

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  2. I have been quite a chocoholic myself. I was doing really well but after the holidays (not during..oddly enough) I have just been going kinda crazy with it! I feel so much better when I am healthy!

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  3. It's so interesting to me that so many female alcoholics had body and eating issues. Since I stopped drinking, some of my prior issues have resurfaced, so I find myself having to deal with them as well. With four (almost five) months of sobriety, I also want to build my strength and fitness...it should be much easier without the hangovers and alcohol calories!

    Good luck! and thanks for writing.

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  4. The Act- I have always been strange about my weight- but the funny thing is- my concern over my weight was never enough to motivate me to stop drinking. That's how big of a pull it had on me. And I agree- it will be much easier without the hangovers and alcohol calories!

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  5. My weight has been up and down in recovery. When I was younger I'd take high-calorie drinks because I was so weedy - I don't have that problem anymore. I'm finding that mindful eating has been a great help.

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  6. Paul, I followed your eating mindfully. I found it very interesting. I tend to be a calorie counter. I am so anal that if you give me a number I will stick to it!

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