Thursday, June 28, 2012

Keep moving forward...

I wanted to take time to thank everyone for the wonderful words of support and encouragement for my 2 year sobriety anniversary. 

Emotionally I am down today and I shouldn’t be. I guess I shouldn’t be. The last few weeks have been rough. I thought I had a job offer, then it looked like it fell through, and then today it looks like it is finally coming together. I should be happy.

Maybe it’s the transition of everything. From thinking I had a job right away, to facing the reality of unemployment (without actually being able to collect unemployment- that’s a whole other blog), to a husband who has a plan in his head in which he cannot seem to deviate.

I am a person in perpetual motion. If I sit still too long I feel like I get a little nutty. Since I have been home from Afghanistan I have had quite a few emotional and psychological challenges to deal with.  My kids have been here for a couple of weeks now and I am so grateful and blessed to have such awesome kids.

I am going to start really looking for a counselor who specializes in addiction counseling and post traumatic stress disorder.  I am still having high levels of anxiety and I really don’t want to sink into an addiction to anti-anxiety medication and sleeping pills. It starts to make sense though- that maybe my alcoholism was me self medicating through a mental health issue I have probably always had (now made worse by having spent a year in a war zone).

The moral of the story though- I made it two years sober and do not plan on trading alcohol for a medicine cabinet full of pills to compensate for just having emotions.

I have been unable to get into the gym lately because of a surgical procedure I had done 6 weeks ago- but should be cleared for full exercise shortly.

It’s time to set some goals… and keep moving forward. 


  1. I hope that you can speak to a specialist/doctor freely soon. I think you are wise to not share your alcohol experience with military docs. Sad but true. You may really need anxiety meds...maybe not but need to be honest with someone who understands.
    You are really amazing. I've been following you since just before you hit your 1 year mark. You are an inspiration to me. Keep up the good work. One day at a time.

  2. June- thank you for the reminder to take it one day at a time. In everything I do I tend to want instant gratification.... whether it is working, playing, or recovery.

  3. Hang in there, love. You will make it, one day at a time. You are right where you are suppoed to be and good for you to get a therpist! This too shall pass!!

    I’ve relocated to a new blog. Hope you will come read me again :)



    Formerly of “Happiness” blog