Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Learning to function in a different way...

I kept trying to think of a word that would pinpoint how I have been feeling the last few days. I feel like I am having to  learn how to do things all over again. My vacation ended today and my usual routine would be to stop by the store on the way home and grab some alcohol. I might make it to the gym before I cracked something open- but more likely than not I would have a drink when I got home- get sleepy and take a nap. There have been a few other moments where I am having to relearn a positive behavior.
Anytime it is hot outside is one- drinking water (a lot of it helps, but so does ice cream!)
Dining at home-
Eating out
Visiting someone at their home
I find a new one almost every single day.
Today I came home and took a nap without the aid of a drink (I woke up feeling much better this way) and then went to the gym. Sat with my kids and had dinner. I don't have to avoid giving my husband a kiss when he comes home because I don't have liquor on my breath, I don't have to sleep with my back to him either in case he can smell it like that.
I don't have to take the trash out so that he doesn't hear bottles clanging together (I am REALLY liking that one!)
I am not in fear that he will find my stash.
I am awake to talk to my kids, I am sober to play board games with them, instead of sitting in front of this laptop for hours at a time with a drink in a red plastic cup so no one sees the contents.
Tomorrow is another new day and I feel pretty good about that.


  1. I feel like you are describing me. My thoughts, fears, addictive behavior, relationship with my husband. Unbelievable. Thank you and great job. My first day is today. I've gone 8 months sober before and started back after convincing myself I could moderate with weekends/only beer, ect, only to end up eventually worse than I was before.

  2. Before this blog I think the longest I went without drinking was 3 months..and then it was just a matter of time before I started again. The difference this time is that I know I can't moderate myself.
    Please email if you need anything. I am happily able to help you if you need me.