Thursday, October 14, 2010


I hate reading my first post. I also hate reading anything else I wrote about being an alcoholic prior to this blog. I think I started several with “I have a high tolerance for alcohol”, “No one knows I drink so much” “No one realizes how bad it is” ….what an ass I sounded like. I have been sober for almost 4 months now and I have grown leaps and bounds with much more growth to come.  The reality is that of course I had a high tolerance for alcohol…I drank every damn day- all day. Another reality, lots of people knew how bad it was, a lot of people knew how much I drank.  Most of them just happened to be drinking with me- most of them also still don’t know how bad it is for them.

I still lack a spiritual foundation from which to grow- while I am sure some would argue that should have been first on my list- I just wasn’t ready. I am a Christian who really came to know the blessings that come from above when I was 24 years old. I found a pastor and church that helped me grow and learn so much. But 9 years have passed since I moved to another state and I have grown away from church and the routine of worship. Honestly, I haven’t even looked for a church since I moved. I don’t even have an excuse nor will I try to make one here. What I can do is make a conscious effort to improve my personal relationship with God.

Now is the time to start back on a spiritual path. I have never really touched the subject of AA meetings on my blog because I know people have such strong feelings about the subject. I also know that many have read my blog consider me a “dry drunk” because I haven’t used a program to facilitate my recovery. All I can say is “so far so good.” I think subliminally I have asked God over and over again to help me with my recovery. I also long for a way to focus and calm my mind from daily trivialities. I have written before about my desire to find a meditation group- that is still on my short list of things to do (found a gym- the other item on my short list). I may also start shopping for a church that my husband and I can attend together when I am home on weekends.

I am appreciative for everyone who reads my blog and comments either privately or publicly. The amount of encouragement is so helpful. Thank you for helping me stay motivated.  The internet has been a blessing in my recovery- so many resources and personal stories. I am off to study- I hope you all have a wonderful and sober weekend. I know I will! 


  1. In my view there is no need to belong to a particular path in order to recover from addiction - the only right path is your path. I think judging the recovery of other people is not a healthy pursuit. I once spent 2 years in a fellowship convinced that all those addicts who weren't part of this program were somehow lacking. I was wrong and eventually drank again. I am no on my own path and it is more wonderful than anything before. Your path might be a church or it might be a recovery fellowship; the important thing is that it is right for you - that is my experience anyway.

    Have a great sober weekend

  2. I've never thought of you as a dry drunk. Also, I've learned that the more I compare myself to other people, the sicker I am...

    Whatever keeps me sober, keeps me sober. Who is anyone else to say my program is somehow lacking? ... There IS a difference between "dry" and "sober"... But you seem to me to be seeking. This shows a great deal of willingness and open-mindedness.

    Stay true to yourself and your own path...

    with every good wish, --G

  3. I'm a member of a 12 Step program and have never considered you a dry drunk. People recover in many different ways.

    I don't get my spiritual fitness by attending meetings. I acquire it through my actions in my daily living. For me, meetings are a place to fellowship with other alcoholics. I do this both online and face to face.

    As long as you are truly becoming content on the inside, continue doing what you are doing. If not, then add what is needed.

    Congrats on your hard work!

  4. Paul, Guinevere and Queen,
    Thank you again for your consistent encouragement and advice. I truly appreciate every comment you all make and I am humbled that you take the time to read my blog. You all are the best!

  5. i don't consider you a dry drunk either. i think you are constantly seeking and as far as i know a dry drunk doesn't do that. you are very honest and open and to me that is the difference. i am continually inspired by your patience and continuing effort to stay sober. i think g said it best.