Friday, July 2, 2010

A Long Weekend

Yay- it's Friday!
My husband has post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of his time serving in Iraq a couple of years ago. There is a direct correlation between him taking his medicine/ participating in therapy and our relationship. When he doesn't take meds (mild anti-depressant/sleep-aid) or go to therapy he becomes very irritable. He doesn't see his behavior as deteriorating as I do. For the record- he takes his medicine almost every night- but if he goes to sleep too late, or has to get up to early he can't take it because it makes it difficult for him to wake up.  Lately, he hasn't been able to take his medicine, as a result we have been having a few tiffs here and there. 
I used to spend a lot of time drinking whenever he was grumpy. Well, I used to spend a lot of time drinking anyway- but I know for sure that I would look straight toward a drink after we argued. 
Well, he's still pissing me off. And I still have those thoughts about drinking. I have to admit though, not drinking is going to be quite a relief this weekend. We will be doing some travelling on the 4th and I don't have to worry about police check-points, or stocking up on alcohol. 
I am close to 12 days (288 hours) of sobriety and I feel like I am on track. I feel that this time I have a different attitude toward sobriety- that it's not supposed to be a punishment- but a reward. On my previous attempts at sobriety I always used alcohol as a reward for making some landmark. I could celebrate with a drink when I hit my 4 month mark, when I lost 10 pounds, when I..... 
I don't think like that anymore. I know now that I can not take a drink. I can not stop once I start. Any consumption of alcohol will just lead to more and more. I do not have the ability to regulate how much I drink, when I drink, or anything that has to do with drinking. 
Happy 4th of July! If you see a military service member make sure to thank them for their service. And if you are military (or used to be) Thank you!

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