Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Monotony of Recovery...

Not that life is boring. At all. It's just that in my world of instant gratification I really just want to be all done recovering and just be ...well... "recovered'. Seems that when I started all of this 30 some days ago I was undergoing a daily struggle just to get home or run errands without stopping for a drink. All of my thoughts surrounded 'not drinking, not drinking, don't take a drink, you can't drink, what the hell am I going to do without a drink?, I really want a drink'!! 
Now that I don't think about drinking every second of every day it surprises me when the urge or the habit of desire shows up. It comes from nowhere. The incredible urge to have wine with seafood, or a beer with some BBQ.  Hell, maybe it's just walking in the house when a burning desire for an Apple Martini hits me. 
My recovery is different this time though- in that I know (I have to say it again, and over and over and over again) I cannot take a drink. I have absolutely no control over my drinking and if I take a drink I will go right back to the horrible habits that I just fought to distance myself from. 
This video makes me laugh. It reminds me of so many things- but when it comes to alcohol- I think I spent a long time standing on a broken escalator expecting someone else to help me. Turns out- the escape was always there.

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