Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Making it through the days

I have a lot of time to think during my commute to and from work. Lately my mind is on my sobriety. Initially I had to concentrate on going straight home and not stopping at a store to get alcohol. Then I started thinking about how hard being sober is, next it was how well I was doing and how much easier it was getting to break the habits and routines. I think a lot about how much better I feel about not drinking, how I am much more likely to go to the gym now, how my memory is better. Lately my thoughts have been all over the place. I really realize how easy it could be to have a drink depending on the circumstances. I think about all those people who work hard to never be around any kind of alcohol at all to avoid any temptation. I am still trying to figure out what kind of sober person I am going to be. 
Currently, I don't crave alcohol. I don't see people drinking and think that I am missing out on something. I don't have a plan to start drinking again....and I don't have a date or goal where I can reward myself with a drink. 
I know in my mind I cannot drink ever again. If I do I know I will go right back in the pit where I was before.
One of my major motivating factors to get sober and stay that way was my weight. I have gained and lost 20-25 pounds over the last 5 years. 3 weeks ago I was at my heaviest weight ever. Drinking has a huge impact on that. I normally consumed less than 1200 calories per day in food and non-alcoholic beverages. When I add alcohol I am sure I consumed well over 3500 calories per day. Needless to say the weight just packed on. I use weight loss as an additional motivation to stay sober. There is no way I can lose weight if I drink. I have always had a pretty body dysmorphic issue. I have succeeded in losing weight in the past when I stopped drinking. The difference those times was that I stopped drinking just to lose weight- not to be sober. 

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