Change

I start my new job on Monday, so today I drove up to the city to move some stuff into my room and do my pre-employment drug screen. I always feel a little frazzled after driving and couldn’t help but notice that Hooters right on the corner. Three months ago I would have stopped to have a drink with the excuse of celebrating a new beginning.

Another thing I have noticed- one would think that after my long talk with my husband that I would feel liberated and stronger about not drinking. Oddly enough I don’t feel that way. I almost feel like I have the potential to fall back in to the sneaking behavior. Now that he knows it’s not ok for me to ever drink again I feel this horrible strain. Somehow when it was my independent struggle I didn’t have to hide anything. There are no liquor bottles to hide, no alcohol breath to hide, nothing- it was a relief. Now, I am accountable to someone other than myself…. It feels like a not good thing- but I know that it is a good thing.