Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Change

I start my new job on Monday, so today I drove up to the city to move some stuff into my room and do my pre-employment drug screen. I always feel a little frazzled after driving and couldn’t help but notice that Hooters right on the corner. Three months ago I would have stopped to have a drink with the excuse of celebrating a new beginning.
Another thing I have noticed- one would think that after my long talk with my husband that I would feel liberated and stronger about not drinking. Oddly enough I don’t feel that way. I almost feel like I have the potential to fall back in to the sneaking behavior. Now that he knows it’s not ok for me to ever drink again I feel this horrible strain. Somehow when it was my independent struggle I didn’t have to hide anything. There are no liquor bottles to hide, no alcohol breath to hide, nothing- it was a relief. Now, I am accountable to someone other than myself…. It feels like a not good thing- but I know that it is a good thing.  

5 comments:

  1. I would always kick myself for admitting my drink problem to other people. It was putting added pressure on my attempts to quit. I would also feel irritated because they would treat me different because I’d said this. I knew that if I drank again it they would never accept it as just social drinking – they would add to my guilt. The great thing now though is that I am happy to admit to anyone about my previous problems. I’m not going back there. It took me a long time to reach this stage but I’ve no doubt that you will feel this way too. You are doing really well and should be proud of yourself.

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  2. congratulations on your job!

    just remember....you only have to not drink today. 24 hrs at a time....no awfulizing the future....you are doing amazingly well...hugs :)

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  3. just wanted to pop in and say hi. you are doing so well. i'm so happy for you and your husband.

    take care

    daisy

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  4. It is wonderful that you are doing so well. There is a really great blog that I visit it is http://fine-anon.blogspot.com/

    The writer's name is Syd and he is the husband of an alcoholic. He has great words of wisdom, it has helped me in dealing with my son who is a recovering heroin addict.

    I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

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